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Ask Amelia

Each of us has someone in our life or perhaps an event in our life that has made us feel like we are not enough.

Posted on October 10, 2020 in Design Your Life

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For lack of a better description, inadequacy feels gross. Any feeling of ‘not enough’ is a breeding ground for shame (a.k.a. destructive behaviours).

Inadequacy can manifest in many ways. Sometimes it looks like anxiety or low self-esteem. In men (more often than women), inadequacy looks like anger and hostility.

So what can you do?

The good news is… lots. It’s a process, but in simple and manageable steps, it’s actually a great learning experience.

So, we are going to just explore one of many possible solutions to get started:

Identify your triggers

In order to address feelings of inadequacy,

you have to get clear on what ‘sets you off’. Some common examples of triggers you may respond to (if you are not feeling them or getting enough of them):

  • Being right
  • Being heard
  • Being valued
  • Being liked
  • Feeling loved
  • Being included
  • Feeling calm
  • Being organized
  • Being in control

Which ones do you relate to?

Who is the person or what is the situation that seems to bring these feelings to the surface?

What would you add to the list?

The more you become attached to these needs, the more your brain will be on the lookout for circumstances that threaten your ability to have these needs met. (Yes, you actually start subconsciously looking for the people and situations that piss you off). Then your needs become emotional triggers.

In my Friday post, we’ll chat about what to do now that you have identified your triggers and now that you are aware of the need the trigger stems from.

 

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